Last Chance Dance - :(

Tonight I am taking my family (and my youngest brother & his family) to the "last chance dance" to support our school.  There will be music, there will be a contest for the best "spirit wear" and there will be silent auction/Chinese auction/tricky tray items to bid on.  There will be a lot of people there, (fingers crossed) and fun fun fun for our kids and families.

So why do I have a :( face in the title?  This isn't a fun event for me or many of our members.  Our school, The Institute for Excellence Charter School has received its death sentence, the 2 years of ASK scores that we have are all the proof that the Department of Education needs to administer the lethal injection and close the doors for good.  Our families, our teachers, our students and the community that has been built over the past 5 years will be left to mourn this loss, a big one for our community, an opportunity never fully realized, a School (with a capital S) created with big dreams and even bigger hopes that were not reached.

I am sad, absolutely, since I was fairly happy with the education my children have gotten. I have seen one child thrive in math and science and start to take on a mantle of classroom leadership.  I have seen my other child learn self-control, how to deal with frustration and how to connect with her peers and teachers positively -- through the interaction of WONDERFUL teachers and counselors.  And I am angry.  I am angry...ANGRY.  I am angry at the leaders of our school for this outcome. I am angry that we have had so much churn with teachers and especially administrators.  I am ANGRY at myself for hoping my suspicions were wrong, that we would be approved for at least another 4 years to improve so I did nothing to ensure my own offspring's education.  I am also angry at Commissioner Chris Cerf who has remained annoyingly silent since the news of our denial has come out, whose office has then denied additional funding for Choice Districts who might free up slots for the 480 students who will not have a "home" as of 6/30/2013.  I am angry at Governor Chris Christie, a supposed champion of school choice and Charter Schools, and yet in the past few years, the fact is that Charter Schools are not allowed to be started in certain areas due to the potential economic impact on the sending district, most likely the areas that truly NEED some choice -- areas like Winslow Township...Governor Chris Christie is also super quiet about this situation.  He has provided no response to numerous requests from parents, administrators and other sources to at least MEET our students, tour our school and listen to what we have to say.  We are constituents, voters, and members of this community and the larger community of the "Great State of NJ"  --- why in there no response, even if it's to say "hey, I am not really interested in talking about this"  PROVIDE us with something...

That being said, I am going to this dance, with my family, and will put on my happy face (as happy as this face can get)...and continue to support the efforts to Save Our School --   Unlike a death row inmate who on average spends 11 years in appeals (Bureau of Justice Statistics),  TIFECS does not have years of appeals...we have one opportunity to appeal legally and there's very little chance since we are unable to support our appeal with information beyond what was included in the original request to extend the charter...we can't introduce the amazing MAP scores for ALL of our grades that show growth and improvement that is statistically better than our cohorts; we are unable to show how innovative our curriculum is, not only teaching to basic skills but ensuring that our students learn CRITICAL THINKING skills, creative ways to learn and have a large amount of science and social studies in the curriculum.  Our downfall, I suppose, is that our teachers didn't spend all.their.time teaching for the ASK test...they spent time helping our children learn science practically, hands on.  The spent time ensuring comprehension of subjects and supporting the students need to learn experimentally....so now it's most likely back to school in a district that is also failing, so that they get the $$ for our children back into the Winslow Township coffers and they still won't be providing anything exceptional.  I personally called the office of the Superintendant about 2 weeks ago and inquired as to what their plan was to integrate our 480 students.  I was told that there would be "no problem" and that no adjustments at all would really need to be made.  I don't know about you, but how does one add almost 100 students per grade to an already struggling district WITH NO PROBLEM?

I beg any of you reading this blog, if you have gotten this far, to help us in bringing our plight to the public...not everyone likes or advocates Charter Schools -- that's fine and I *get* that, but understand that if you live in Winslow Township, YOUR children's classrooms will now be tighter, YOUR resources will be stretched even further, because of this denial.  The loss of the Institute for Excellence Charter School further dilutes the resources available to your child/ren... I don't think anyone wins in this situation and that makes me sad.

What say you?

Where to turn? Charting the aftermath of non-renewal

Many of my friends and family know that the charter school my children attend has been denied renewal by the New Jersey Department of Education.  The main reason cited for  non-renewal is low ASK (standardized test) scores in comparison with the state and our sending district.  While I personally dispute the validity of two years of data (ASK doesn't start until 3rd grade), I agree the test results are dismal and regardless of an appeal, my soon to be 6th grader needs a different school since our current charter is only through 5th grade, and even if we miraculously win the appeal process, there will  not be a 6th grade.

So, in the great state of New Jersey, after carefully reviewing the charter renewal and deeming the school ineligible to renew due to low scores and lack of leadership, one might assume then that the GREAT state of New Jersey along with the Commissioner of Education Chris Cerf or at least someone in the vast wasteland of the New Jersey Department of Education might have some plan in place to help the families/parents/guardians of 480 (yes four-hundred eighty) students find their way into a school, or provide a guideline for how the over burdened, under performing, over crowded sending district might integrate 480 students, about 80 in each grade from 1-6th for the upcoming school year.  If one made that assumption, s/he would be WRONG.

For the past week, I have been emailing, calling, facebooking and reaching out to Chris Cerf, his office, the governor, the director of Inter District Choice and the department of Charter Schools.  I have gotten NO RESPONSE from Chris Cerf, Chris Christie, anyone in any level of authority except for the director of Interdistrict Choice Jessani Gordon who assured me, at 3:00 3/11/2013 that there was a plan of action in place in regard to CHOICE schools and how they will work with our families to find places for our children.  She advised that this information would be sent to the TIFECS administration before close of business on 3/11.  Taking her at her word (since she actually answered her phone when I called) I followed up with the TIFECS offices this morning, and NOTHING.  Another round of calls, and the same person advised another parent that the information would be coming out today.

What amazes me is that the DOE claims our school lacks leadership and direction, which I actually agree with; however, here is a governmental body that holds sway over the educational potential for ALL of our children in NJ (not just mine, not just TIFECS' but ALL of our children) and they can't even find the time to give guidance to the people they just ripped a charter out from under.

REALLY?  I am fairly certain each of the people who work in the departments at the NJ DOE make a healthy salary...I am certain that they have full benefits and their children have a place to go to school next year.  Why is it OK for them to not give us, parents, families, VOTERS, a clear path for our children?  I feel like they have taken us out of a safe, warm place that we know and are just letting us hang there to punish us, proving that we should have never chosen a charter school to begin with, and if we were to have the opportunity, each of us would think twice because this is what happens when good schools turn bad.  Governor Christie likes to say that he is a Charter School advocate.... maybe he should put his money where his mouth is and help US find our way....because the people running the NJ Department of Education don't have any insight or even any correct information to provide.  How scary that an entity such as the DOE has lost all credibility in my opinion...makes me VERY happy to have my children enter back into the fray.

(as an aside, we are still fighting to request an appeal of the decision.  Please support our school by signing our petition http://tinyurl.com/cr2vow7 We need to have some understanding why at least 13 charter schools with lower scores have had multiple years of approval and we have two years of testing and have NO leniency to move forward.)

Smoking Hot Topic!

I have been walking into the building at my current job for over 6 months.  The path from the parking lot to the back door is through the small smoking shack that stands immediately outside the entrance.  I choose to walk through the smoking area since it is the shortest distance to my desk and therefore I can arrive about 2 minutes later than if I were to come in through the main entrance.

Smokers: Please understand I am not ranting about the act of smoking, that you ARE smoking, that it is disgusting b/c that is my opinion and if I wish to avoid it, I know that I should not walk through the only designated "safe" smoking area...so this is not to complain about that, the fact that you smoke.

The smoke shack what appears to be a covered bus shelter with benches and two large (imo) ash trays/trash containers.  TWO large repositories for the cigarette butts to be deposited.  Why is it then, as I walk up the small hill from my car to the platform of the smoke shack, do I traipse through tens of dozens of cigarette butts?  The biggest problem I have with this is that the damned ashtrays are literally NEXT TO the benches...so to litter the ground outside of the shelter is to either flick your butt out the back of the shelter or to ambulate to the edge of the platform and just toss it.  REALLY????

If you are a smoker -- why is there some weird, almost visceral need to not deposit your butts properly?  Cigarette butts are NOT fully biodegradable.  The paper and tobacco are, but the cellulose acetate (white fibers found inside filters) are not biodegradable, but are somewhat photo-degradable; however, cigarette filters are the "cigarette butts have been the single most recovered item since collections began"Moore SL, Gregorio D, Carreon M, Weisberg SB, Leecaster MK. Another source cites that it is estimated that 1.69 billion pounds (845,000 tons) of butts wind up as litter worldwide per yea -- that's a shit ton of butts.

So, please, adults who smoke near my office. PLEASE ensure the butts get placed into the covered, appropriate receptacle.  Your doing so will serve to lessen the burden on the world's resources.  Just one thing at a time, OK?  We'll tackle the horrible habit/addiction/whatever another day.

If you smoke and flick your butt out the window or onto the ground, share why that is...I am interested!

How healthy is your resume?

For my entire adult life, I have been job seeking.  Not in the active "scouring the newspaper/careerbuilder/headhunter" way, but I am always ALWAYS open and ready for the next opportunity coming my way.  I tend to do my best to never burn bridges, even if the job I leave wasn't right for me, or me for the organization....I always want to find someone who will vouch for me, or perhaps allow me my next entree.  At my current job, one of the owners is amazed that I keep in touch with people from one of my first jobs....I told her that I really feel that there's an importance in the personal connection....if there is one position open and I have worked before with "Deirdre" but the 1190 other candidates have not, the chance that my resume is really reviewed is that much better.  It only makes sense to try to find a way to get your foot in the door, and not have it slam in your face.

At 45 I still don't really know what I want to do when I grow up and I figure I have at least 25 more years of work ahead of me, so why should I be set at this moment in time?  Regardless, I have three resumes ready to go at any time, highlighting my skills in various ways for a few different industries.  If someone from Krieger College is looking for an Alumni Relations person, I have a resume for that and can prepare a cover letter and reference list pertinent to the position within 15 minutes.  If Heinz Telecom has a project manager/provisioning position open and it piques my interest, I have the same ready to go.  I have my bases covered as well in a more general "customer support/agent services" type of career path, since most, if not all, of these skills transfer, sometimes potential employers need it laid out clearly for them.  

I am amazed, though, at how lazy some people are in their professional lives...complacent, even in the face of true economic downturn and downsizing in the company that they work for.  While feeling secure in one's job is great, it is detrimental if you feel secure in a company that is actively changing around you.  Simply retaining your position or being promoted through your company for 10 years doesn't mean there is truly loyalty, and why wouldn't a person have their ducks in a row no matter how secure?? Today it's not enough to say you know the MS suite of products, have experience with Photoshop and are familiar with data base management tools.... you need to SELL yourself along with your skills -- it is also important in many fields that you have social networking/media experience and abilities.  Even companies live on the internet now....the way that you interact with others reflects in many ways with how the population will perceive THEM.  

Every day most of us find time to eat reasonably healthy meals, drink water, sleep..... How much time does it take in your life to ensure you are professionally healthy?  Why not take a few moments every few months to review your resume to reflect not only your skills, but how they fit into the needs of today's employment landscape -- how does it reflect your personal brand?   Update your  software skills, include if you have had any outside training (do you have an MSE certification?  Is Six Sigma something you are skilled in?  Process management?  HRIS?).  Ask a trusted colleague, friend, or impartial acquaintance to review it for content, errors and overall understandability, though you aren't actively job seeking.....(but i think you should always be looking....) You will be prepared even if you live with blinders on, and believe that your job is safe until you decide to move, wouldn't you feel better knowing you are prepared in case your dream job opens up?  

What are YOU doing today to change your professional outlook or prepare for your next big break?

In Passing....

As my family and friends most likely know, my grandmom, Naomi Ruth Heinz passed peacefully from this life on Sunday 1/13/2013.  She was a funny old lady, always sweet and wonderful to me, though I was a "step" grandchild and the second girl out of 9 grandchildren (7 boys, 2 girls LOL)... Never a day went by that I felt the "step" child syndrome from grand-mom or grand-pop.  She was truly a sweet woman who had great spirit, faith and energy even until the very end. 

The past week was really the end of things for her.  She had cracked some vertebrae in a fall and while in the hospital contracted pneumonia....at 93 years old, the odds really are against you recovering from such insults to your body.  In order to treat the pneumonia, she was put on a respirator and was in the ICU at Virtua Hospital in Voorhees.  Kudos to the women who tended to her (I only met women on the ICU but am sure there were men there too, but I am giving my kudos to the ladies I encountered).  Each one treated her with dignity, care and respect.  They were kind to our family, each of the four children (in their 60's/70's) who were able to see her, and to each of her grandchildren....they are truly angels of mercy, those who dedicate themselves to the treatment of the critically ill.  

On Saturday evening, 7 of 9 grandchildren (and a few great grandchildren), and three spouses were holding vigil with 4 of her children.  (Her eldest daughter, Naomi is ill and was not able to be bedside so please keep her in your prayers as she needs healing and strength)...that's 14 of us in one room on the 2nd floor ICU....quite a crowd.  We were all gowned and gloved due to increased infection control (GMom had MRSA as well)....what a sight -- we sort of resembled a tired chorale group LOL. ...we spent a good deal of the evening laughing and talking, more a celebration of the woman and what she meant to us than mourning the events that were inevitable.   Grandmom was off the ventilator and was sedated a bit, but was awake and talking to us.  She recognized and named each of us, smiling and interjecting when she was able to.  It was amazing to me, that she was so close to the end but still possessed her own self.  She held our hands, laughed a bit and even made our nurse Grace laugh...Grace was such a warm addition to our small group the end of Saturday, she asked the right questions, told GMom that she and my dad (her oldest "baby") could pass for siblings and told her she COULDN'T be 93 years old... smiles and tears were making the rounds, but I believe the overwhelming feeling was a positive one. We were connecting due to this woman, who had connected so many of us during her life. 

Gmom in July 2012 with most of her great grandchildren

My brother Christian was present when she passed through to her next adventure.  So were several other children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.  She left this world in typical Naomi style.  Her heart rate would slow down, flat line, they would start to say goodbye and tears would start, and blip, blip, blip...she's back...this happened a few times, until her youngest daughter Kathleen came back (she was calling her sister Naomi to give an update...) when Kathleen was in the room, Grandmom let go and left this realm, hopefully meeting up with her husband who passed almost 14 years ago, my mom and many other loved ones that have preceded her.  She leaves her family behind, but not without a piece of her somewhere in their hearts and minds.

For me, I will always always think of her when I see sweet n low...the bright pink packets were her favorite sweetener...no matter what else was available, Sweet n Low was what she wanted and what she'd use.   I will always remember the wedding vow renewal she had w/ Grandpop on their 50th anniversary, at the Salvation Army chapel on Allegheny Avenue.  I will always remember that she signed cards on the BACK....i don't recall why she did this but she did.  That was Grandmom.  "Hiya Honey..."  "Hiya Chrissy" "Hiya" was how she would greet you when you called (or she called you...) She always thought of her children,....even yesterday my dad was there early in the day and she asked him if he'd been working and then she said "you're tired, you need to rest" LOL  She would make sure that I sent her youngest son a Christmas card w/ pictures (I always did btw LOL) but just wanted to be sure we didn't forget him.... She was someone who really had her heart in the right place, and even if you didn't agree with her or her principals, you always knew it came from a place of love.  I am blessed to have had her in my life since I was about 5 years old.  She was someone who never judged me or treated me differently or as "less" ...she was an accepting and loving person. I remember going  downtown with her, on the El from K&A...she took me on day trips to the Betsy Ross House or other historical places, and then we'd stop at the store where she worked and get a few pieces of candy to take home.  I will always think of Grandmom and PopPop when I see pansies... they had a garden in their backyard (unbelievable since they lived near me and I had a concrete backyard - no flowers!!) and I always loved their backyard.  I will always remember eating pork roast, sauerkraut and her home made baked beans (I didn't like them but I will always remember them!!!! she used butter or lima style dried beans!)  Even at 93 she still wrote cards.  When I was ill recently, I received a get well card from her...I received a thank you note from her birthday party...she was a maniac still hand writing cards and mailing them.  I have half a mind to expect to get a "thank you for being there" card in the mail this week.  That would be spooky but not unexpected.  She had grace and spirit.  I was not the best granddaughter -- too caught up in my own world, the life of my immediate family, to really give her the time she deserved but I never felt that from her...and i will always be grateful that we could pick up where I had left off....

I am blessed to be part of her legacy, to have been loved by her and to be part of the continuing circle of life.  Her names, both first and middle/Maiden (Naomi Ruth), will always have special significance to me as they speak to biblical stories that are meaningful to me....ones of friendship, sisterhood and devotion despite obstacles.  

Rest in Peace grandmom...you are loved and you will be missed.

Fat mom to a "skinny" girl....

If you don't know me IRL, I am a large woman...I was a chubby child, and never looked back.  The last time I saw 110 lbs I was probably about 12 years old ....it is something I struggled with, tried to correct (with gastric bypass in 2005 which was relatively successful but I got pregnant with the girl and haven't looked back lol)...so I am still a plus size woman. I am comfortable with that but it's easy to be comfortable when you are 45 and tired :)

My daughter is thin...very normally and naturally lean.  My Her pediatrician says she's "perfect" size-wise -- height/weight charts indicate average for a 6 y.o. girl is 46 lbs and she is 45 lbs.  So well within "normal"....and this mom struggles with normal.   I can see her spine, i can count her ribs...she is well muscled and has 8-pack abs ... most of my life and my experience I have not been able to identify bones on MY body (nor on my older child's body --- we are both fluffy LOL) so I worry.  I want her to eat...when she says she's finished or full, I want to ask her to take another bite.  I realize in my HEAD that this is negative behavior on my part...I am asking her to NOT listen to her body, to listen to me tell her to eat when she's not hungry or has no appetite for anything.  I think about it (obviously -- i am blogging about it) almost obsessively.  I compare her to other kids, I worry that her clothes don't fit (they DON'T....size xs/4's are way too short, size s/5/6 are too too wide.... but some size s shirts are too short now too...but the next size is too big.... help!!!)
The thing that I struggle with is the my compulsion to eat compared to her lack of such a compulsion.  I spend a good part of my time making sure my fluffier child isn't upset by his being chubby...i want him to love himself no matter if he's a "regular" size or not.....I want him to identify when he feels full-ish and stop eating....i ask him to not eat another bite after he declares he's full and yet I sit there, fully a hypocrite, telling his "normal" weight sibling to eat beyond when her body says she's full.  I must stop this......

My sorority (www.dphie.org)  has been an ally with ANAD for years, since the 1980's...and I am very well aware of eating disorders (suffering from compulsive eating myself) and I know cerebrally that my behavior is dysfunctional, that I am not teaching my child to eat normally and to have a natural (non-dependent) relationship with food, but my heart is not as advanced as my mind and I worry.  It's not like she is a healthy eater either.... her typical menu:

Breakfast i can usually get her to eat half a serving of cereal (special K is her favorite right now....LOL) and orange juice.
 
Lunch: nutella on one slice of whole grain (or some other type) bread
juice pouch
gogurt natural (maybe she will eat this)
pretzels (again, maybe she will eat this, but maybe not)

Dinner: chicken nuggets - maybe if they are a brand she'll eat.  Pasta with olive paste (yes, olive paste), raviolis, french fries, maybe a cheeseburger, ketchup <-- note that ketchup is its own category and food group....NOT a side or condiment and tacos (with meat and rice!!!!!!) and quesadillas (only cheese).  

Fruit is practically nil and changes on a daily basis.  She likes cuties (clementines) she doesn't like cuties, she likes bananas, she doesn't like bananas....apples...grapes...on and on... it's like a veritable fruit Russian roulette.

I worry that my need for her to eat more will end up becoming part of her psyche...even with my knowledge that this is the case.. how do I stop this?  I am a work in progress but I don't want to push her into not trusting her own body.

thoughts?

My name is a Denise and I am a Fixer - rant

I recently created some session programming for an organization I belong to.  Part of my session dealt with being what I call a "fixer" -- something I find to be almost innate in people with XX chromosomes. {side note:  The programming and that particular organization are NOT being discussed here.  Point in fact is that I love my organization and hope to always be part of it...the posting below does not relate to it, or anything or anyone involved with it. }

If I see something that doesn't look "quite right" or isn't running up to par (in MY opinion) my first thought is to create a way to fix it...make it work better, smoother, communicate more openly and honestly.

Forget the fact that most people, organizations and corporations don't really need me to fix what's not really broken in their minds.... I am like Don Quixote, tilting at the proverbial windmill, though the windmills I choose are local non-profit/educational/sporting organizations who really could USE Don Quixote's magic touch, or at least Dona Denise's....

There should be a 12 step program for Fixers.  Fixers' Anonymous (or is that Fixer's Anonymous??) In no way do I want to take away from the success and true positive impact 12 step programs have (AA, OA, etc) but I truly believe that Fixers need help.


My name is Denise and I am a fixer.....

The worst part about me, as a Fixer, is I know I am right.  I know how to help the institution find their way...I know how to engage volunteers, I know how to SUPPORT constituents. better still I have personal friends and acquaintances who are SPECTACULAR at building and supporting this type of organization and can get some effective ideas/suggestion/guidance from them FREE OF CHARGE...but if the group/s don't want help they won't take it....and in fact they will rebuff the offer of FREE help...until this fixer is pissed off.

You do not want a pissed off  Fixer.... all that energy that was spent on finding a way to improve the organization is now turned toward proving (or communicating the already proven facts of) how shitty the organization is.  With this particular institution there isn't much additional proof necessary: The paid staff is relatively ineffective, the executive level volunteers are essentially useless..there is not one galvanizing force on either side of the leadership....i use leadership here to demonstrate the people "chosen" to lead, not truly people who are leading.  Volunteers are rebuffed and the best way the group thinks to try to engage parents/volunteers/others is by complaining that no one is involved, no one wants to come to meetings, no one wants to support the organization....and yet they rebuff at least three active, intelligent, supportive, experienced volunteers.  

Way to go and lead your institute!  GREAT JOB!!!  Keep reaching for mediocrity and you might get there some day...with lots of hope, no strategic planning and absolutely no communicated plan for growth!