My daughter is thin...very normally and naturally lean. My Her pediatrician says she's "perfect" size-wise -- height/weight charts indicate average for a 6 y.o. girl is 46 lbs and she is 45 lbs. So well within "normal"....and this mom struggles with normal. I can see her spine, i can count her ribs...she is well muscled and has 8-pack abs ... most of my life and my experience I have not been able to identify bones on MY body (nor on my older child's body --- we are both fluffy LOL) so I worry. I want her to eat...when she says she's finished or full, I want to ask her to take another bite. I realize in my HEAD that this is negative behavior on my part...I am asking her to NOT listen to her body, to listen to me tell her to eat when she's not hungry or has no appetite for anything. I think about it (obviously -- i am blogging about it) almost obsessively. I compare her to other kids, I worry that her clothes don't fit (they DON'T....size xs/4's are way too short, size s/5/6 are too too wide.... but some size s shirts are too short now too...but the next size is too big.... help!!!)The thing that I struggle with is the my compulsion to eat compared to her lack of such a compulsion. I spend a good part of my time making sure my fluffier child isn't upset by his being chubby...i want him to love himself no matter if he's a "regular" size or not.....I want him to identify when he feels full-ish and stop eating....i ask him to not eat another bite after he declares he's full and yet I sit there, fully a hypocrite, telling his "normal" weight sibling to eat beyond when her body says she's full. I must stop this......
My sorority (www.dphie.org) has been an ally with ANAD for years, since the 1980's...and I am very well aware of eating disorders (suffering from compulsive eating myself) and I know cerebrally that my behavior is dysfunctional, that I am not teaching my child to eat normally and to have a natural (non-dependent) relationship with food, but my heart is not as advanced as my mind and I worry. It's not like she is a healthy eater either.... her typical menu:
Breakfast i can usually get her to eat half a serving of cereal (special K is her favorite right now....LOL) and orange juice.I worry that my need for her to eat more will end up becoming part of her psyche...even with my knowledge that this is the case.. how do I stop this? I am a work in progress but I don't want to push her into not trusting her own body.
Lunch: nutella on one slice of whole grain (or some other type) bread
juice pouch
gogurt natural (maybe she will eat this)
pretzels (again, maybe she will eat this, but maybe not)
Dinner: chicken nuggets - maybe if they are a brand she'll eat. Pasta with olive paste (yes, olive paste), raviolis, french fries, maybe a cheeseburger, ketchup <-- note that ketchup is its own category and food group....NOT a side or condiment and tacos (with meat and rice!!!!!!) and quesadillas (only cheese).
Fruit is practically nil and changes on a daily basis. She likes cuties (clementines) she doesn't like cuties, she likes bananas, she doesn't like bananas....apples...grapes...on and on... it's like a veritable fruit Russian roulette.
thoughts?
Hi Denise,
ReplyDeleteI understand your pain. We (Matt & I) were VERY small babies and children. Matt was 3 lbs. and I was 2.5 lbs at birth (premies). I was very thin up until about 10 years old when my parents started pushing seconds on us to help us gain weight. I never looked back and am now 100 time my birthweight (255 lbs.) and dibetic. Matt is the same 100x birthweight at the moment. I have struggled with my weight since an early teen and always felt fat...now I truly am and struggle to lose it.
Take it from me...do not push your daughter to eat more. Let her make up herown mind on how to handle it. Push activities and sports. As she grows she will discover her comfortable weight. I noticed that when my son turned 10 - 11 he started to fucus on his weight and his body with no prompting from me or his mother. His younger sister, now 9, has a small weight issue and while we talk to her about it we do not obsess over it. I push green veggies and healthy snacks as much as possible but allow other snacks as long as they are not overdone (most of the time).
To be overbearing about it and constantly worried is not the right move. Show them is actions (your own) vs. words. Talk to th em about healthy choices and proper portion control. Best of all, find a sport/activity that they like and support them in doing it regulary. Finally, and again, don't over burden them...but guide them. They will make the right choices. :-)
I hope that helps from one fat parent to another.
Ian
Thanks so much for your input and perspective Ian!!! It's really interesting to have a man's point of view b/c this body image thing is often thought of as a female issue. I am going to consciously do my best to not overlay MY issues w/ food onto my kiddos, either one. I do want them to listen to their bodies and am going to do my best to allow that to happen!
ReplyDeletethanks again for your honest response! Though I never thought of you or Matt as big guys, I know how important it is to be healthy (and diabetes is so hard to deal with in our middle age!!)
Hang in there and thank you so much for reading and commenting!!